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  • Writer's pictureMs. Chatterbox

Happy New You!

Updated: Jan 3, 2019

Happy New Year. It's another January 1st again and I’m making new resolutions or as I’ve been calling the things I want and need to attract in my life, declarations. I decree and I declare that I’m a new person…again and…again. It’s the perfect time to hit that re-set button. And who cares how many times you hit that button. To be honest we don’t need new years resolutions to do so. We can reset our lives at any moment. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for starting anew or just trying a different way of living. I don’t want to get all preachy because this isn’t a self motivational type of blog. Actually I’m not sure what type of blog this will be just yet but whatever it is I promise to keep it honest and 100% real. Here’s a truth I love writing, specifically screenplays, but I’ll put it off like I’m getting paid to not write. So basically I need to write about my life and thoughts in an unstructured and un-pressured way to un-jumble my thoughts so that my characters aren’t all bat shit crazy. It’s either this or find a good therapist that takes Medicare and I’ve tried the latter so here I am today writing my first post.

Enough of that digression. Back to me being a new…me. I rang in the new year a bit differently than I have over the past few years. I was determined not to be wasted and started my day off with prayer on the beach, yup I said beach, an upside to living in California (New York I’ll be back one day). Sitting in the sand, smelling the sea and watching the sun shine down perfectly onto the water not only calmed my anxiety but reminded me how beautiful and amazing life really is. See I’ve been sort of holding a sadness within for the past few weeks. Unexpectedly my boyfriend decided to quit our relationship. I mean I’ve had many thoughts of quitting it too, some of which I probably vocalized but I know deep down I wouldn’t. So anyway I was sorta surprised and angry at the same time and was okay with it all, at least on the surface. Although I dislike failing, what a relief I thought. Next! I was straight up on my Ariana Grande. Three weeks later and I still haven’t cried. Sounds good right? I’m not about to cry over no man! I gave him so many tears already. TF Right? Nope I was burying that hurt so deep I even believed the lies I told myself. Now that the sadness within mentioned above is defined, we can get back to me on the beach. I finally felt a little pressure release from my chest. The tears didn’t come but I felt unstoppable. I didn’t feel like a failure anymore. I didn’t care if I was going into the New Year single and unmarried again. So what if the new me is starting the year off not how I planned it. I had to relinquish control, just like the waves in the ocean. That’s why I was at the beach to learn that lesson, in the clothes I had on from the previous day by the way (that’s another story).

I didn’t even plan to be at the beach yesterday but God knew I needed to be there to see her creation and receive that enlightenment. I can’t control everything yet I’ve been trying to all of my life, from my grades in school to my relationships and partnerships. Duh girl! Thirty plus years and I finally got it. I’m still working on it. It’s only been a day but I’m looking forward to the new less controlling me.

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